....that I totally kick ass.


You know what? It is true. Hormones suck.

This morning I woke up conversing with my selves and various Unseen.

I was feeling sweaty (ugh!!! Note to self: synthetic blanket = FAIL) but well-rested in light of 14 hours of blissful comatosity.

I had invitations to go places and was trying to wrap my brains around that.

But then I thought HOLY SHIT life is too short to go do stuff if I am not clit-to-the-wall excited about it.

Another though occurred to me re: relationship angst: worring about whether or not things are this way or that way is not helping me.

It actually is OK for me to say "You know, I'll just take a minute, step back, and really let this sink in."

If someone isn't on the same page as me in heart-connectin, that page will be turned, like it or not.

I am sober, my core being is a joyous one, I am in a really interesting exciting place in my career. Anything can happen. I have a roomie who has quickly moved into the top 5 of awesome roomies I have had in the past 10 years in that flat. I am working from a really clear spiritual place, and my day-to-day fear is so low as to be easily handed over to my god for handling with little ego.

If people aren't running double-time to get on this bandwagon, they'll be left to their own devices, and that too is OK.







I just bought some roller skates and full gear from Motley, who owns Cruz Skate Shop in the Mission.

I am SO TOTALLY going to see her and her team skate next week. http://www.bayareaderbygirls.com. Anybody down? Her team is the SF Shevil Dead.


Hah!

So now I am in a cute little cafe, SoCha, here in the Mission. Doubleshot Americano, skates, Asus and me.

I'll say it again: I AM SO FUCKING COOL!!!!


OMG!!
Srsly.


Tomorrow I am going to go try my new skates :-)

The girls say the Embarcadero is the bomb place to skate.

I have my pads, helmet and new black suede boot skates.

And I have so much WIN.

And hey, all my peoples, thank you for being loving on me. You save my life over and over again.

my brain is racing.

I sorted through the massive junk mail pile and there are things I just can't deal with in there.

I have to find a new roommate. I am not thrilled about that. But I have a lead.

I have some interest / overtures from a couple of places outside of the bay area where I might go to teach kink classes. That is pretty cool. I also have 3 different local organizations who wish to have me teach again soon :-) People seem to like me and want to hear what I have to say.

I am starting to figure out that I don't have to freak out about work all of the time. That is a relief.

I was plugged in / listening to music / in my office with the door closed and did not realize I was not home alone and almost went apeshit into my hallway 2/3rds nekkid with a fucking lamp when I heard a door close.

I'd NO idea the (soon-to-be-former) roomie was back in town.


Oy vey!


Tomorrow is the Queer Open Mic, everybody!

The LGBTXYZ Center on Market & Octavia. 8:00PM.

Cindy La eMCH SAY:


"i am full of the w00t and the excited. last year at the queer arts fest i saw kirya traber read and MAN she knocked my fucking socks off
now QOM is lucky enough to have her gracing our humble stage. give it up, rock and roll and see you friday for Kirya Traber at le Queer Open Mic!


Kirya Traber is not a political poet, but an activist sustained by poetry. Penning from the crosshairs of intersecting communities, she seeks not to convert, but merely chronicle the inalienable marriage of the personal and the political. She is currently working as a Poet Mentor with Youth Speaks where she develops and facilitates spoken word workshops for bay area teens."

SO,you should come! If you can :-)

I finally dropped some dimes and got a paid membership here. I figure it is worth it for nice skins and layouts for my page :-) I also realized could make some changes to my remote postings and twitterings, but am trying to work that out. I have had a couple of "anonymous" posts the tone of which I find vaguely irritating. Not highly, but enough to make me think "If people whom I do not know have, for some reason, found & started reading my blog, they might as well have the ovaries / balls to identify themselves if they are going to comment on my stuff."

This weekend...I hope to get some real rest :-) I feel all right, but oddly stressy and ... what ... longing?

John said he thinks I am "Awesome" so I am going to try to remember that while I am going to sleep....

Why is there not a Matrix like way do upload a user manual on people and you meet someone and then you get in the chair get the spike to the skull and sit up all "I know Kung-fu."


Because that shit would save a lot of needless worrying.

:P

Maybe next time I sit fretting about some shit I will just ask what the matter is and have a fucking conversation and then feel more clear.

Maybe instead of "waiting for them to make the next move" I will just say "Hey, um, what is up?"

Because, see, despite my magnificence, even people who like me a lot and want to spend time with me go through their own shit and need their fucking space to chill the fuck out.

Arrrgh!

I suppose it is not the worst thing in the world to be (kinda) seeing someone in recovery....unless their program is so fight that they are seriously conflicted about being involved with someone before their first anniversary. I, of course, am all "Yeah yeah, this is an excuse to equivocate." Dude! Lame thinking.

As though a (newly) complicated divorce is not enough reason. And, simply put, the usual uncertainty about being vulnerable.

What EVAH!

Main thing is: chill the fuck out. This is a really good way to work out the "Ask for clarification. Ask for information" muscles.

The sun was out this morning and still is battling the local cloud formations. GO, SOL!!!