It is like waking up to find the tiniest most beautiful delicate butterfly, nearly emerged from chrysalis, sitting in the palm of your hand. You want to protect it, of course, but squeeze to tightly an it will suffocate, brush carelessly against it and the microscopic feathering of the still-moist, furled wings will be damaged forever.

Bubbles* is no good at relationships. She hasn't been able to get a foothold in my alcohol addiction these days, so she's regrouped and seeps into everything else. She isn't good when it comes to subtlety, patience, trust. If the object of our interest has not made a blatant move to sexualize the relationship within 45 seconds she begins to yap and snarl and dig away at any chance of forming a foundation. She is currently sitting, head to one side, wondering what the fuck is up.

******Come on come on come on ya spend hours and hours and hours talking and talking and talking he is obviously bored bored bore and really just humoring you because maybe his is just lonely lonely lonely and fucked up just like you so you might as just well forget forget forget about even thinking about this guy and if he is not making the moves he just is not that in to you you you know it is SO obvious to me******


*baseball bat upside head*

I know it sounds cruel, but Hyena are notoriously bad at listening. This gets her attention.

Look -- Bubbles... it is like this. There is such a thing as restraint. There is also respect. Remember how, long ago, your first dominant set a 30 day period of just talking and spending time before even playing?

******No nope no do not******

Yes you do. Fuck. Maybe you don't. That really is not your job. The point is this: someone you might trust to be dominant over you who can demonstrate restraint is doing several things at once. They are displaying their mastery over themselves, their respect for you, and their willingness to invest the MOST precious of resources, their time, and yours, in seeing what sort of fit you might make. There are no guarantees. But it is not a bad sign that someone is not tying to fuck your brains out against a wall on the second date.

******It ain't no big deal if you are so fat fat fat ugly ugly ugly and boring boring boring that they have no desire to do that anyway******


You really are being a fucking twat today. He likes me and he thinks I am cool. And I think he is cool. And I am trying to learn that there are ways to explore someone that do not involve instant gratification. That is one of the things that got us into rehab in the first fucking place. What are you so fucking afraid of this time?!?

******Nothing nothing nothing everything everything everything you might kill me with this bullshit thing you are doing and I do not want that because you need me someone in here has to be reasonable reasonable reasonable realistic realistic realistic and keep you from this stupid stupid stupid thinking that you can get anything for free on this world and you are so fail fail fail at making decisions anyway look at you I mean for fucks sake this guy is in your same boat look at you having a date and going to Meetings pretty lame lame lame******

No, frankly, I think I have a lot to learn from a man who has twelve years sober and respects my little piece of sober life I am making here. You are making me tired, Bubbles, and I love you, but you need to rest now. We have things to do tomorrow and I cannot have you howling all day.

******whatever whatever whatever I will just go over here and wait for you to fuck fuck fuck this up too******


I know you will. And I am pretty sure I won't.

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*Bubbles is --- um. Yeah. You probably know about her you have read my blog for a while, but for any newcomer you can read http://people.tribe.net/mollena/blog/a6a066c6-f338-4cba-8bfd-d29b0ac81ac9